So we went around and took some photos... There's a headstone in a cemetery that's towards downtown, the name on it is the same as my sister's name. Kinda creepy, eh?

Anyways. Here is one of the pictures.

Those are actually tiles, that were the lobby (or something) of a hotel downtown that got closed up due to structural instability. I wish I could have gone inside to take photos, it must have been awesome back when it was being used and kept up...

So, to add to everything else I do, I am also taking up belly dancing. woot.

And I've been told that I can get a job. As in, if I go there I will very likely be hired. Yeah. And they will supposedly be flexible with my drum corps and school schedule. Yay!

I think you used me again
should we try this before we give up and move on
and pretend to restore what we have and hold on

I have a headache again. I hate it when the people around me get angry. It hurts.

Today after I let my dad know that my dental appointment was rescheduled to a month after it was originally, he got upset. I was heading up to get ready to go to class and he said something and I'd started crying. And then my mum calls me back down and she talks to me and then my dad, and I'm still getting these stupid angry emotions that aren't mine.

Some days I wish I was not an Empath. It's not that I hate it. I just hate it when people get angry or upset over things.

I need to get out of my home. I know I disappoint my father and I sometimes disappoint my mother. I'm tired of being stuck with this constant headache.

I wonder if the irregularity of my cycle has anything to do with the overload of emotions I receive.

Mein Gott, this weekend will suck. My sister's coming in for some X-Rays on her leg, and she is bringing three friends.

Someone save me, please.

Also, I need to decide when to let my parents know that I may be going to a con in August. Hee hee.

I've figured that should I choose to do a cosplay, I could always do Vanilla Gackt -- I mean, my hair is already fairly close + it's what I'm planning for my hair next anyways, once I get the rest of the red out. And besides, I can't do Mana: I don't have those kinds of make-up skills. Just "hard" and "soft" lines. And that's theatrical make-up.

Uhh... That's it. No, wait. And I like Andrew [partly] because, even though he's like 5 years older than I am, he doesn't treat me like I'm stupid. Just had to say that.

Why do I feel like nobody tells me anything anymore?

Katie is no longer girlfriend of Mark. She is now girlfriend of some other guy. (Not that I mind, I do not like Mark.)

M. seems to be is girlfriend of Justin. So it seems from earlier, I guess.

There's got to be other things I don't know.

What I do know is this:

C.E. is still obsessed with Jay Gordon.
C. and J. are still cool. Good choice, C. I like J.

Here, I'll clear up any "secrets" I have, just to be fair.
x I will be marching in the San Francisco Renegades Drum & Bugle Corps this summer.
x I am still single. Probably will be forever, eh?
x I still should probably be on "the pill".
x I still have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.
x If I knew what the fuck love is, I'm sure that's how I'd feel for B.
x I'm a fuckin' Empath. There, now you all know, so don't get upset at me if I seem distant ever. It's either that or I could lose my sanity.
x Yes, I *have* smoked before. Just a couple of times, though. Once on Halloween, and once after I busted my knee open. It's not something I'd pick up regularly, though, or if I did it would be, like, once-a-week or less. Moderation in everything. (Except musik.)

x And I still feel like nobody gives a shit.

To top all this off, tonight after I got to the college, I sat in my car for ten minutes and cried. I don't have anything to cry about, the only frustrating thing that's really happened today was not being able to get any food before class because I have a checkbook and a debit card but no cash.

If you care, please let me know because I can't tell. That's one of the emotions I cannot feel from others.

vaguely worried

I'm looking stuff up on shielding/grounding, though, maybe it will help. If I get it to work.

I need to take up meditation, I think. This will help me to concentrate enough to 'block out' other feelings/emotions that I don't want or need to have...

But when? I'm going to have to start setting aside a half hour or hour every day for meditation, and not allow anything to break into that time. Right now half hour is probably what will be the easiest to do, especially with classes, and getting my license renewed, doing some work at the downtown theatre, keeping up with friends who live far enough away that the only contact available is Internet, my letter writing (though I think this will end up to be about every other week, instead of every week as I had originally planned).'

I also will need to set aside time to just listen to music. Nothing else. Only music. Part of that time can be combined with meditation time if necessary, but I would like to keep the two separate. Perhaps one in the morning and one in the evening/night. It will allow me more time to separate myself from others and connect with myself.

And I know a lot of this won't make sense, but it has to do with a secret I have. Some of you who read this may find out, others will not.

(( crossposted in my livejournal + myspace ))