I will stop shutting myself out. I hope.

Because it's hard for me to experience the emotions of others without becoming physically ill, I started shutting down my own emotions slowly. With each one I shut out, it became easier to handle the emotions of others.

Fear. Hurt. Joy. Anger. Happiness. Love. Sadness. Hate. Excitement.

One by one I have shut these out until the only thing I feel anymore is frustration. On Sunday we did our first full run of the show. Was I excited? No. Should I have been? Hells yeah, it's the show: We've moved from learning it to cleaning it.

I am still convinced that I am becoming a cold bastard, but I do not know for certain.

Random hugs are nice.

Something is happening...

We are friends. Woo hoo. Maybe he'll still read Sartre with me if I ask. 'Cause I really want someone to read philosophy with, and he's also in Sac...

Also, I am still wondering why Japanese men are as cute as they are...

The phrase "illegal hamster" makes me giggle.

Hahaha, I cakespammed!

rockin' out to VNV Nation : Forsaken (vocal version)

When I have nothing left to feel.
When I have nothing left to say
I'll just let this slip away.

I feel these engines power down.
I feel this heart begin to bleed
as I turn this burning page.

Please forgive me if I bleed.
Please forgive me if I breathe.
I have words I need to say.
Oh so very much to say.

And whose life do I lead?
And whose blood do I bleed?
Whose air do I breathe?
With whose skin now do I feel?

I'm supposed to walk away from here.
I'm supposed to walk away from here.

And whose life do I lead?
Whose blood do I bleed?
Whose air do I now breathe?
I'm convinced there's nothing more.

The day you died I lost my way.
The day you died I lost my mind.

What am I supposed to do?
Is there something more?

The engines power down.
Like a soldier to his end I go.
Because I'm convinced
that there is nothing more.

and whose life do I lead
and whose air do I breathe?
With whose skin and whose blood do I feel?

What happens now?
Have I done something wrong?

Forgive my need to bleed right now.
Please forgive my need to breathe
But I've so much to say
and it wouldn't matter anyway.
You're not here to hear these words that I must say
and I'm convinced inside
that there is nothing more.

Whose life do I lead?
Whose air do I breathe.
Whose blood do I now bleed?
With whose skin now do I feel?

I have nothing left to say.
I have nothing left to feel.
Am I supposed to let this go now,
let darkness come and take you away?