I've handled about as much as I can handle, thanks very much.

I have tried more than long enough to please all those related to me, and it is far too difficult to continue in this. I want to have my own life. I want to choose where I work. I want to have more freedoms of myself than I have now. I want to be able to do things without worrying that someone is looking over my shoulder waiting to criticise me the second I start doing anything even slightly wrong. I want to know that my efforts are appreciated, not to be criticised for not doing well enough. I want to go where I want to go when I want to go there, given that I am free of other responsibilities such as school or work, and not have to report in every five minutes -- unless I have made the conscious decision to let a Master run my life.

But, mostly, I want to not be the Indistinguishable Backup Friend anymore.

Death?

I could have sworn I was going to die tonight. There is no excuse for speeding ridiculously, especially the kind that is "twice the speed limit" speeding. O_O Not only am I never, ever going to get in a vehicle with that kid driving, but I have told my sister to never get in the car with him until he stops driving like a fucking maniac. (Well, I said "idiot" but still... ) I even fear for myself driving if he's going to be on the road. So he "didn't want to be late getting home". Well, he should have left earlier to get there. Is that a concept that's terribly difficult to grasp? Is it? There is no excuse for driving 60+ mph when the speed limit is 35 mph and driving 80+ mph when the speed limit is 40 mph. I'm seriously considering getting his license plate number and finding a patrol officer to tip him off that the kid is driving like a maniac and is a danger not only to himself but to everyone else on the road.

Well, that would definitely explain it.

Looking back on 2005 . . .

Ladies and gentlemen, it is 2006.

Wait a second. A whole year has passed while I wasn't paying attention? How could they let that happen?! *mock offense* Anyways. (Yes, this is the same format as the one I did last year around this time, but it worked well.)

In 2005, did I do anything worth remembering?

January
At the first Crossmen camp this month, I was the only female on lead anything in the hornline. It was fucking brilliant. I was told that they had me down as alternate for lead because I'd missed the December camp and hadn't been able to get music until the day before I flew out for that camp. So, I go home and we're happy about that, because the way he told me sounded like I had a spot, and if I came back next time and played my music memorised and stuff, I'd be on lead. Not quite. Second Crossmen camp this month... kind of sucks. I am told that they have me down as one of three alternates, but it isn't worth my time to keep coming back to camps. So I go home, upset.

February
I talk to the Renegades, and get so I'll be going to their second camp this month -- I have a Boy Scout event the first one. So I go to get my driving license renewed in what should have been plenty of time for me to get the new one in the mail (I think I went two and a half weeks ahead of time) before I flew out for Renegades. Well, my license comes in the mail the Saturday I'm in California. The next day is my birthday, and they had a cake for me (I think I almost cried). Then I had issues getting home the next day, namely because my fucking driving license had expired like 6 hours before I went to the airport. What luck, eh?

March
More Renegades! And classes. And this starts my almost-six months of every weekend but one being filled by some activity. There's Renegades camp, and some Boy Scout functions this month. I got my first tattoo this month, the star on my forearm. This is also the month I smoked my first [ever] not-clove cigarette. I think this was the month that what's-his-name said he had a crush on me. I visited my older sister in Oklahoma City on Easter weekend, to take her car back to her. We went to Tai Pei the night I got in... which was all good fun. Also, the weekend I met Keegan -- and that was an awkward meeting.

April
Renegades every weekend except one! Because I went to LMS. And met the Phenomenauts and it didn't even occur to me that they're famous until I was talking about it later and my little sister was in the car as well and said that she was jealous because I'd met them. Oh, yes. Calvin took me to the Rocky Horror midnight showing near where he lives. Heh heh. *grin*

May
Finals for my classes this month. VNV Nation in concert this month. More Renegades this month. There's a lot less to describe in detail for this month. The VNV Nation concert was awesome, though -- Ronan Harris is a funny man. And nice. So were those guys that Catherine and I met and stayed around for most of the concert, Jawdat and Casey (who almost hadn't been able to get in because he wasn't 17 yet) and Francisco. They were really nice, and we took them to IHOP so they could get home and not have to stay in the ghetto all night... and they forced gas money on us, even though we were insistent that they keep that money.

June
I moved out to Sacramento for the summer at the beginning of this month. The first sectional weekend had Lani and I driving like bats out of Hell to get there -- but we missed it anyways. This was the weekend I discovered our similar love of JRock and anime. Good stuff. :) Also, this is the month that what's-his-name calls me and says something about "rumours going 'round" and "we should just be friends". Uh-huh. Yeah. Okay, so I have to admit that I knew he was going to call me to say something like that. My thought at his exact words was, "Why don't you just admit that you'd rather chase someone older than you? I'd appreciate the honesty more than this." But, I don't know. I became Kelli's long lost twin found wandering the streets of Romania and brought to California specifically to march Renegades, and I didn't know any English. (See how well I've learned since then?) Also, I fell over the 30-yard-marker at BD Family Day. Or was it Precision West? They were at the same place, so it was the same yard-marker either way. Also, San Francisco Gay Pride Parade! I was in it, and I bought a rainbow boa for Michelle.

July
Let's see... there was the weekend that never ended, then the weekend off when Mike took me out to dance, and that was definitely an experience. A good one, mind you -- a good one. Also, we dyed my hair "Sid Vicious" red. The actual colour is called "Nuclear Red", but it's also been described as "violently red"... I liked it. The next weekend was my hair's debut as well as the debut of our cloaks for Ave Maria and The Ascension. And then, later the month, the trip to North Carolina where it rained on us, and coming back the TSA man was mean to me because I was trying to ask where the end of the line was -- but he didn't let me get that far. I think all I said was "Is this the--" and he interrupted me with "Don't cut in line. Go to the end of the line." Um, wtf mate? I was trying to find out -where- the end of the line is.

August
I came home from California. Then my father and I went to Rhode Island for DCI World Championships. Prior to leaving, I printed out driving directions from where we would be staying at DCI to where The Cavaliers were rehearsing -- I wanted to see Bojan. So, on Friday before semifinals, we went out there to visit, and got there just as they were breaking for lunch. So I had an hour to visit with him, during which my father graciously left and went to a fast-food restaurant he'd seen on the way in. That had to have been one of the best visits with someone I've had, ever. I can't come up with any exceptions. He gave me a pair of sticks so I'd have something to practise with as I learn to drum, and he told me he'd liked both the CDs I made for him. Then, later, we left to go eat before semifinals, and we had some pretty rockin' seats (3rd row, side 2, 45-yardline). After the show, I went to go find Bojan again because I figured there would be No Way In Hell I'd see him again, so I wanted to say good-bye... And that ended up being a lot longer than I meant for it to be (and it got my father unnerved for a while but that fixed itself later). But I have since come to the conclusion that that was one of the best hugs I've ever had. And, still, I didn't tell him how much I love him.

September
DCA championships! And Crunchy Frog's final show, in which I played Wacky Dead Sarah, the hot Romanian chick. Or something like that. I can't be sure. It was also the weekend of a sit-outside chat until 3 AM during which I was asked along with one of the tenor players if we were "together" -- assumed because of how we looked at each other... I don't quite understand that, but whatever. I can't necessarily say I would have objected to us actually being "together", but what with age differences causing a huge social stigma, I wouldn't want to put something like that on him. He's far too nice a guy to be accused of being a "pedophile" or "child molester" or "robbing the cradle".

October
This is Halloween! And banquet month! That was nice. It was so good to see all the Renegades again, and also to see Trevor, who I hadn't seen since January when I got cut from Crossmen. Lee took a lot of pictures of me with his camera phone and mentioned something about how I should become a model for some Goth clothing company. *snerk* (I'm too short to do so.) On Halloween, I was Catherine, and we went trick-or-treating. And I had a couple of pictures taken with me as Catherine, and me and Catherine... but I haven't gotten the ones of the camera I had developed yet.

November
Let's see... I did my psychology observations, I had Thanksgiving and my older sister had to drive my car back to Oklahoma City because hers had to be repaired. And there was Phantom Regiment auditions, from which I was cut by two damn points. But, obviously, I've survived.

December
Finals! Christmas! "King Kong" midnight showing, at which I had to comment that "it would be awesome if they paired it up with Rocky Horror Picture Show". Two trips to Shreveport, LA, the first of which got me my awesome brocade coat. There's not a lot to say about this month, either.


So... did I do anything memorable in 2005?

You tell me.