Christmas.
It's nearing Christmas. Only six days away, it is. Such a short time until one of the most over-commercialised holidays is past. It's a funny thing.
People expect so much at this time of year. It's one of the few times they spend ridiculous amounts of money on family and friends. I, personally, have spent pretty much everything I made selling books back to buy Christmas gifts for friends, but my limit for spending on any one person was $10-15, because selling books back just doesn't make that much money. For my family, most everything had already been taken care of.
Anyways. Back to how much people spend. I know I'm not getting much. From my family, I'm getting a new suit and there was something else I'd been there when it was bought that was going as well but I forget what it was. And that's about it. The only other thing I would ask for is a bathrobe, but I can always buy one myself after I've gotten a job.
I think everything for my family from me has been taken care of, gift-wise, except perhaps my brother. (I can't talk about that though, some of them may read this and I don't want to spoil anything.)
And for my friends, even though I've only spent $10 or $15 for each of their gifts, they have been--for the most part--well thought out and considered gifts. In some cases, it's had to be a gift card because that's what's going to be the most useful for its recipient. For those whom I've purchased not a gift card, it's been something that they will like and I've made sure of that. Except one, but that's because I haven't actually talked to him since September or October and I've just guessed something he may or may not like. I'm hoping he does, though.
And I know that from my friends, I'm just not going to get much. I don't expect much. From some of them, I don't expect anything. Really, if someone wants to get me something for Christmas... right now, I wouldn't mind them paying the cost of jewellery to have my ears stretched again. 'Course, that'll only get me halfway to being able to wear my circular barbells again, but it's a start.
And... basically... all I really want for Christmas is to not be the Indistinguishable Backup Friend anymore. I'm tired of feeling that I don't matter, that my schedule is unimportant and I must work around everyone else's. I don't want to stay up one and one-half hours later than I would have wanted to waiting for someone to get home only to have them tell me that "someone's here... I'm going away" within five minutes after they get home. I spent one and one-half hours waiting for that person to get home, but if I had known that that was what was going to happen, I would have just gone to bed.
There's a lot this season that's on my mind. There's a lot that I don't want to tell anyone but a certain person because I have never known him to judge harshly or be critical of my problems. He's always been one of the best listeners I've known. I've never known him to be unkind or uncaring. The year that I marched with him I found more than just a really awesome guy to be a friend... I found a confidante and the person I love perhaps more than anyone else. Now, perhaps, I did not love him so when I first did, but in the time between then and now it has done nothing but grow greater. I would give so much to be able to see him again, but that is uncertain... at least for next summer. Whether or not I march this year will determine it.
This year has been an intriguing year; it has been wonderful and terrible in as many ways as is possible.
I wonder what next year will bring.
People expect so much at this time of year. It's one of the few times they spend ridiculous amounts of money on family and friends. I, personally, have spent pretty much everything I made selling books back to buy Christmas gifts for friends, but my limit for spending on any one person was $10-15, because selling books back just doesn't make that much money. For my family, most everything had already been taken care of.
Anyways. Back to how much people spend. I know I'm not getting much. From my family, I'm getting a new suit and there was something else I'd been there when it was bought that was going as well but I forget what it was. And that's about it. The only other thing I would ask for is a bathrobe, but I can always buy one myself after I've gotten a job.
I think everything for my family from me has been taken care of, gift-wise, except perhaps my brother. (I can't talk about that though, some of them may read this and I don't want to spoil anything.)
And for my friends, even though I've only spent $10 or $15 for each of their gifts, they have been--for the most part--well thought out and considered gifts. In some cases, it's had to be a gift card because that's what's going to be the most useful for its recipient. For those whom I've purchased not a gift card, it's been something that they will like and I've made sure of that. Except one, but that's because I haven't actually talked to him since September or October and I've just guessed something he may or may not like. I'm hoping he does, though.
And I know that from my friends, I'm just not going to get much. I don't expect much. From some of them, I don't expect anything. Really, if someone wants to get me something for Christmas... right now, I wouldn't mind them paying the cost of jewellery to have my ears stretched again. 'Course, that'll only get me halfway to being able to wear my circular barbells again, but it's a start.
And... basically... all I really want for Christmas is to not be the Indistinguishable Backup Friend anymore. I'm tired of feeling that I don't matter, that my schedule is unimportant and I must work around everyone else's. I don't want to stay up one and one-half hours later than I would have wanted to waiting for someone to get home only to have them tell me that "someone's here... I'm going away" within five minutes after they get home. I spent one and one-half hours waiting for that person to get home, but if I had known that that was what was going to happen, I would have just gone to bed.
There's a lot this season that's on my mind. There's a lot that I don't want to tell anyone but a certain person because I have never known him to judge harshly or be critical of my problems. He's always been one of the best listeners I've known. I've never known him to be unkind or uncaring. The year that I marched with him I found more than just a really awesome guy to be a friend... I found a confidante and the person I love perhaps more than anyone else. Now, perhaps, I did not love him so when I first did, but in the time between then and now it has done nothing but grow greater. I would give so much to be able to see him again, but that is uncertain... at least for next summer. Whether or not I march this year will determine it.
This year has been an intriguing year; it has been wonderful and terrible in as many ways as is possible.
I wonder what next year will bring.
posted by The Mastermind at 14:31
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