You either care or you don't.

None of this half-assed, "Oh, I care all of a sudden now that you've given up all hope that anyone will ever give a shit that you're one year closer to dying!" Don't give me that bullshit: It's not real.

Don't give me that "You'd be surprised who cares" bullshit because it usually means that you don't but there might be someone else who does.

Don't give me bullshit about "I've been busy blablabla... " I'm busy, too. I am a full time student. I am a drum corps member. Yes, I am jobless but I'm looking for one. I make time for the people I care about. If it's 3 AM and you need someone to talk to, you can call me and I'll get up and talk to you. If you're within driving distance I'll even come and get you. Being busy is no excuse unless you're in the armed forces, working 16 hours a day, on tour, taking classes for 12 hours every day, or taking care of someone who you must be there to care for 24/7. If those don't apply, there's no excuse to leave people in the cold while you're "busy". Even if it's just 2 minutes, "Hey, how are you? I'd like to stay and talk longer but I've got to get to class/work/bed/church/etc." Make time for people. It lets them know that someone cares about them.

And if you care all of a sudden, WHY is it now? Why not last year or the year before that while I was going through more emotional shit than I am now because there were some things about myself that I hadn't been able to put into words yet? Why not four years ago, before I started high school and before I knew that there were other Empaths out there?

It's been nearly twelve years since I realised that when I'd wake up in the middle of the night, terrified, I wasn't feeling my fear. Since I realised that I really did feel others' pain. Since I found that I knew more about people than they wanted to let on because they hid their emotions.

Nine years I felt entirely alone because of this and I thought I was messed up somehow because I'd never ever heard of anyone being able to do this and never ever heard of any other paranormals (i.e. telekinetics or telepaths).

>Nine years I couldn't talk to people because I could feel some things they were feeling and they'd deny it and look at me strangely and shun me.

And nearly twelve years that I have been battling against this, trying to sort out my own emotions against those of others.

And it's been until just very recently that I have told anyone that I am an Empath. That's one huge thing to keep to yourself for so long.

And while love and the similar emotions to that (caring, etc -- not happiness/joy though) are not emotions I can pick up on at all, I sure as hell can tell when someone's faking something.

I'm not trying to give anyone a guilt trip or make anyone feel pity for me. I don't want pity or guilt; I just want things made right.

And to those of you who actually do care -- Chels, Terri, Calvin, Rachael, Greg, Mandy, and the others who've been there to encourage me through shit that's happened this year -- Thank you. So much. You've gotten me to a better place than I would have been otherwise.

But to those of you who have only started saying things after my last upset post on my journal or here... I have nothing to say. I hope you die painful deaths if you treat everyone who's like me like you treat me. No person should EVER get brushed aside when something else, maybe more fun, comes up. There is no reason to treat someone who you call "friend" like that. There is never any reason to treat someone like that. Not even if they truly do deserve it. No person should ever have to flat out tell some of their more hidden secrets for people who call them "friend" to say anything. No person should ever have to feel like nobody cares.

And if you do, talk to me.

Contemplating whether or not to also post this in livejournal, as then some of the people it's directed to will read it.