What if I was wrong?

What if... what I've been feeling does not belong to me, but to someone in close proximity to me? I mean, C. + J. love each other, my parents love each other, my sister loves her boyfriend... I could be feeling those and not my own (if it exists)...

Maybe it's that I cannot pick up on "good" emotions directed towards me, but I can pick up on them when they're directed towards others...

And it's been a week and a half since that letter got sent. I'm almost worried that I've said something that's really bothered him, or... I don't know.

I *hate* being confused, really I do. It bothers me more than just about any other thing I ever have been. Except so sick that I can't move, but that hasn't happened in several years. (And I am very thankful.)

Would I be better off to stay away from close relationships and stupid people in large groups <$1 to my older sister's shirt>?

I mean, I understand in drum corps there are going to be large groups of people, but I hope they're not all stupid people.

Maybe this is why I like to spend time in cemeteries... Nobody there makes opinions of you, and you can tell them anything and they're not going to go tell everybody. And it's so peaceful. There are whispers of feeling that are present, but they are old, the most recent headstone in the cemetery I like best at home is 1920-ish. The whispers of emotions are older, softer... gentler, if I may say.

I am consoling myself with drum corps this weekend and I will get to see Chels. And I will have a birthday this weekend. Then I can get my tattoo. =) It's going to be cool.