Sometimes I wonder if Division I is for me.
Last year, Bluecoats, I made it as far as January camp before they told me, "Well, we've signed everyone we're going to sign this year [for trumpet spots]".
I went to Blue Stars after that, after I talked to Taylor (girl I went to school with who marches Bluecoats) about other corps I could go to. I was hell-bent on marching last summer. And I did.
But now... Now, it's like... I had a great summer last summer, but I don't want to go back to Blue Stars. This is nothing against the members or the staff or the organisation as a whole... I just feel like I reached a certain point with them last summer that I can't move past if I stay with them. It's not about me marching Div. I this year, or ever. It's about reaching new heights with my abilities and learning to be a better person. And I don't feel like I can do that with Blue Stars.
Last camp, Bill told me that he had me down as an alternate for lead mellophone. He said "[they] normally don't do that, but [he wants me] on lead but couldn't actually put [me] there right now because [I] didn't have the music memorised at this camp". I was under the impression that, I come back to next camp with my music memorised and play it and I'm in the clear for a lead mello position.
This camp, I was one of the last mellos to do the memorisation check. Sure, you might think that going later on Saturday afternoon would be better 'cause it gives you time to work on the music a little more... But it also gives you time to stress about it if you don't do so hot when playing for a judge. (Which, is essentially what you are doing in the memorisation checks.) So I played Classical Gas and Fantasy. On Classical Gas, I didn't do so great, Bill told me to get my music out and look at it... But that screwed me up more because at a certain point if I have music memorised if I look at it then it screws me up. On Fantasy, however, I did well. Or so I thought. At dinner (maybe snack?) Juzeh asked me how I'd thought I'd done, and I was worried because I didn't do well on Classical Gas...
Sunday morning, while we were singing with Larry, Bill called me and a few others out for us to find out how we did. And, to my knowledge, everyone who went before me except Justin the trumpet vet didn't make it. So I was preparing myself for the worst: "You suck. You're cut. We're going to make sure you never march anywhere again."
And then it was my turn. Bill tells me... "[I'm] one of three alternates, but it probably isn't worth [my] time [or money, I assume?] to keep coming back to camps."
Way to sugar coat it, Bill.
This is nothing against the Crossmen members, or staff, or organisation as a whole. And I left the room, and went back to the cafeteria. I missed the last of singing with Larry. That was my favourite part of camp. It's just so cool to hear everyone singing separate parts of the scale... and I missed the last of it to find out that I'm not going to get to march Crossmen this summer.
I didn't cry. I haven't cried about it yet. I'm not sure whether it's a good thing or if it means I'm slowly becoming a heartless bastard.
To top that all off, my flight from Philadelphia to Dallas was delayed from 3:56 to 5:15. I missed my connecting flight home. I called my mum before I boarded the aeroplane to let her know that I was either going to be staying in a hotel overnight or she'd need to come pick me up. She came to get me, which was good, but I'm still irritated over missing my flight and not being able to get my suitcase until this morning.
And after last camp, under the impression that I had... We paid my tour fees. We bought World Championships tickets. We started getting stuff for me for the summer so we wouldn't end up having to pay tonnes of mon-eh in May to get all my shit. I was so excited about playing lead mellophone this summer. And now that's been shattered.
I don't know what I'm going to do. I e-mailed Glassmen this morning about an hour after I got home, and I'm calling them later today to get through information and details. If they have a mellophone position open, or even a trumpet one, and I have a good shot at making that position, I'll see if I can go to their February camp (25-27), which is the same weekend as my birthday (27). If, when I talk to them, there is uncertainty, I don't know what the hell I'm going to do.
I feel so awful about it right now... But as upset as I am and as bad as I feel... I feel worse for Chels.
Last year, Bluecoats, I made it as far as January camp before they told me, "Well, we've signed everyone we're going to sign this year [for trumpet spots]".
I went to Blue Stars after that, after I talked to Taylor (girl I went to school with who marches Bluecoats) about other corps I could go to. I was hell-bent on marching last summer. And I did.
But now... Now, it's like... I had a great summer last summer, but I don't want to go back to Blue Stars. This is nothing against the members or the staff or the organisation as a whole... I just feel like I reached a certain point with them last summer that I can't move past if I stay with them. It's not about me marching Div. I this year, or ever. It's about reaching new heights with my abilities and learning to be a better person. And I don't feel like I can do that with Blue Stars.
Last camp, Bill told me that he had me down as an alternate for lead mellophone. He said "[they] normally don't do that, but [he wants me] on lead but couldn't actually put [me] there right now because [I] didn't have the music memorised at this camp". I was under the impression that, I come back to next camp with my music memorised and play it and I'm in the clear for a lead mello position.
This camp, I was one of the last mellos to do the memorisation check. Sure, you might think that going later on Saturday afternoon would be better 'cause it gives you time to work on the music a little more... But it also gives you time to stress about it if you don't do so hot when playing for a judge. (Which, is essentially what you are doing in the memorisation checks.) So I played Classical Gas and Fantasy. On Classical Gas, I didn't do so great, Bill told me to get my music out and look at it... But that screwed me up more because at a certain point if I have music memorised if I look at it then it screws me up. On Fantasy, however, I did well. Or so I thought. At dinner (maybe snack?) Juzeh asked me how I'd thought I'd done, and I was worried because I didn't do well on Classical Gas...
Sunday morning, while we were singing with Larry, Bill called me and a few others out for us to find out how we did. And, to my knowledge, everyone who went before me except Justin the trumpet vet didn't make it. So I was preparing myself for the worst: "You suck. You're cut. We're going to make sure you never march anywhere again."
And then it was my turn. Bill tells me... "[I'm] one of three alternates, but it probably isn't worth [my] time [or money, I assume?] to keep coming back to camps."
Way to sugar coat it, Bill.
This is nothing against the Crossmen members, or staff, or organisation as a whole. And I left the room, and went back to the cafeteria. I missed the last of singing with Larry. That was my favourite part of camp. It's just so cool to hear everyone singing separate parts of the scale... and I missed the last of it to find out that I'm not going to get to march Crossmen this summer.
I didn't cry. I haven't cried about it yet. I'm not sure whether it's a good thing or if it means I'm slowly becoming a heartless bastard.
To top that all off, my flight from Philadelphia to Dallas was delayed from 3:56 to 5:15. I missed my connecting flight home. I called my mum before I boarded the aeroplane to let her know that I was either going to be staying in a hotel overnight or she'd need to come pick me up. She came to get me, which was good, but I'm still irritated over missing my flight and not being able to get my suitcase until this morning.
And after last camp, under the impression that I had... We paid my tour fees. We bought World Championships tickets. We started getting stuff for me for the summer so we wouldn't end up having to pay tonnes of mon-eh in May to get all my shit. I was so excited about playing lead mellophone this summer. And now that's been shattered.
I don't know what I'm going to do. I e-mailed Glassmen this morning about an hour after I got home, and I'm calling them later today to get through information and details. If they have a mellophone position open, or even a trumpet one, and I have a good shot at making that position, I'll see if I can go to their February camp (25-27), which is the same weekend as my birthday (27). If, when I talk to them, there is uncertainty, I don't know what the hell I'm going to do.
I feel so awful about it right now... But as upset as I am and as bad as I feel... I feel worse for Chels.
posted by The Mastermind at 15:28
3 Comments:
Don't feel worse for me, lovebutt...we're in the same boat. I promised you you're my shower buddy for the summer, so we've gotta find a way to make that happen.
Yeah, we can do it. Glassmen, BDB, where-ever... We'll do it. And we will kick ass.
Sarah -
I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Chels.
DO NOT SECOND GUESS YOURSELF.
Don't let the opinion of one asshole rain on your dreams, babe. Trust in yourself. I know that this hurts, but you will move on and you will find a better place to spend your summer. I guarantee it.
:-)
- Terri
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